2005-07-06 - 8:04 p.m.

So part of my nightly routine on the computer is reading journals and blogs after I finish with my email. Some of these blogs are at my local paper's site. Sometimes I follow links from them.

One link led me to a woman's blog that was interesting and funny. One day in February she mentioned that she was thinking about ceasing to write it, so I left a comment asking her not to, that I enjoyed it. She wrote back thanking me and said she'd keep writing.

Two months later, my picture was in the paper as part of their poll about comics. I got email from her complimenting me on what I said and my pose, etc etc. We corresponded for a while, and finally met for dinner at my favorite restaurant. Was it a date? To this day I don't know.

We kept up the email, and I always enjoyed what she had to say. A few weeks after going out for dinner for the first time, we went again, and had another great time, coming back here afterward to watch Pride and Prejudice (the one with Colin Firth). That same time she brought me flowers saying she often did so when she went over to friends' houses. Then a few weeks after that, she had me over for dinner, which was delicious and fun, and to which I brought flowers. Two weeks ago I went to her birthday party. I was a little uneasy going since the only person I knew there would be her, but I figured I'd go, meet her friends and family, and have a good time. I did exactly that.

We made plans to go to dinner this week. I was looking forward to it.

Last night right when I normally go to bed I got an email from her saying she doesn't have what it takes to be the kind of friend I need, and so as to not be unfair to me, and to avoid any misunderstandings down the road, she was breaking our plans and wasn't in a place to make any further plans.

I replied, "I'm sorry. I've enjoyed our times together. If you see my picture in the paper again, feel free to write again. :) "

We weren't dating (at least not as far as I knew), so I wasn't dumped per se, but I still am sad and a little upset.

I've been tempted to ask her just what kind of friend exactly she thinks I was expecting her to be, or if I didn't do or say the right things, or flunked some sort of test, or what. I kind of want to know, but I kind of don't. I've thought until now that I'm a good friend to my friends.

Tonight I emailed her the pictures I took at her birthday party. I didn't say anything but "Here are the pictures from your party. You'll need Winzip to open the archive."

Was it a cry for help on her part, her saying she couldn't be the kind of friend I needed? Or was she saying that [I needed less than she wanted to give/I wasn't giving enough to suit her needs] and she didn't have time for another plain ol' friend? I'm so confused. Any insight is welcome.