2002-05-04 - 8:52 p.m.

Now playing: nothing, watching a special about obesity on CNN.

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I really don't know what to write about. I'm taking Granny out for dinner tomorrow. I had Dad over tonight. Today I got the car's oil changed (with synthetic!) and did a lot of miscellaneous laundry at Mom's house. Went to the Food Mart near his house and saw a coworker from the Food Mart I worked at 12 years ago. Talked a few words to her. Gosh, she looks older. She was in her late 20's then, now she looks like she's pushing 40. It was nice seeing her.

Flipped the mattress and put the new sheets on my bed, and am looking forward to sleeping on 275-threadcount pima cotton sheets. Yum, yum.

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For the past two weeks I've been eating way less carbohydrates than before in an attempt to restart the weight loss. I don't think it's been working and I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm walking every day but Sunday, I'm not even eating the sugar-free sweet stuff (except for Splenda in the coffee and in yogurt), I'm eating more vegetables than ever before, but nothing seems to be working. Recovering from the pita chips and dip mini-addiction doesn't seem to be happening, and I'm dejected.

I'm tired, I'm dizzy/lightheaded when I stand up, I'm *hungry* every four hours regardless of what I eat or when, and it's not "gee, I could eat something," it's "oh my GOD, I HAVE TO EAT *NOW*". Last Sunday my will was very weak and bought some sugared cookies at the grocery store, and I ate half the package (6 chocolate-oatmeal-peanut butter no bake drop cookies that I was shocked to find and which we made frequently when I was growing up) (because they used cocoa, and not baking chocolate, which Dad would never buy). Anyway, now I know what happens when I eat sugar - my limbs fill with lead and I fall asleep. *sigh* The cookies were so amazingly good that it is a true testament to my (haha) will that I didn't eat the whole package; I brought the leftovers into work on Monday. Anyway, it just reminds me of what I can't do, and it is depressing. On the one hand, it's very easy to not eat sugary foods - they'll kill me, eventually; on the other hand, it's incredibly difficult, and not many people understand that it is a constant struggle. I fantasize about chocolate-creme filled donuts, and that is so sad. Not giving in to that desire is something I do every day. It's there, constantly. "What if I just have one? That wouldn't be so bad," says the devil on my shoulder.

On the side of Good, though, last night I made some stewed rhubarb which I sweetened with Splenda. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with it, but I have it, and it's fruit! Actually, it's probably more of a vegetable. Whatever. I have also discovered that Food Mart carries frozen unsweetened ripe cherries. They are *amazing*. I've always liked cherries, but let's face it, I'm lazy, and dealing with the pits is a pain. Anyway, I mix them into my whole-milk Stonyfield Farms yogurt (also amazing) for Yogurt Time at work. I've stopped buying the disgusting diet yogurts. They have lots of fructose in them, starches, goos, and taste like crap. I'm won't miss them, and my coworkers won't miss seeing Mr. Yuk every afternoon at 4. Also on the side of Good are the Klondike no sugar added ice cream bars. They're very good. In fact, I'm going to have one when I'm done here. :D

So, I'm constantly thinking about food. I'm either hungry or planning my next meal. Like right now. It's 9:26; I had dinner at 6:45 (sushi, yum) and I'm hungry again. I just don't get it.

So, I'll guess I'll just have stuff to talk about with my doctor next Monday when I see him.

I guess that's all. Off to get the Klondike bar!