2001-09-16 - 8:55 p.m.

Now playing: Best Songs Collection, Sailor Moon.

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I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. I'm trying to live my life normally - but five thousand people are missing in NY. One hundred and ninety or so died at the Pentagon. President Bush is saying we're at war.

But - my life, on the outside, hasn't changed. All my friends in family around NYC and DC are safe. I feel so guilty, so selfish. My life hasn't changed - but why do I feel this huge empty spot? Why do I feel out of control?

I think my friend Natalie from Words-L said it best: "I'm crying for more than those reasons, though. I'm mourning the death of the world I have become used to."

I'm so, so relieved that Grampa didn't have to witness any of this evil.