2000-11-07 - 8:17 a.m.

Rare update from work.

Last night I bought a present for myself - an RCA 5-disc DVD player. It's great, and I really like it, but I'm wracked with guilt over spending $200 on myself like that. On something I totally didn't need. Especially when the student loan people for my dad's loan are coming after me with all barrels blazing. Especially when I need clothes and car work and this and that. You know, actual real uses for my money. But instead I was weak and bought what I wanted, not what I needed. And I hate feeling weak.

Today, I need to call Dad and tell him to call the loan people and instruct them to talk to me. They won't, they *can't* say shit to me since I'm not the loanholder. This really sucks. I've sent in $500 in the past month to them yet they still want to default the loan. *sigh* I thought I'd accepted that I would pay this loan with a clear and loving heart. But I think that's just a sham. Dammit, I shouldn't have to pay this, I shouldn't..I shouldn't have to do lots of things that somehow wound up being my responsibility. I shouldn't have to make up for my parents' failings and inabilities. I resent it even though I try hard not to.

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So, as you can see, I'm in a great emotional place now. And work stress just makes things that much nicer! Feh.

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Oh yeah. I have to remember to vote tonight. At least that's one li'l glimmer of fun stuff to look forward to.